Party Waffle

I wish more dumb people were shy

Maybe this forth time opening my phone I’ll remember what I was gonna do

Timmy looking like he's the sensei for the Cobra Kai.

land line? you mean like the equator

Don't give up it gets worse!

I’ve never needed a diuretic to piss myself

(Covered head to toe with fire ants) it's laundry day

It's me and my ever-growing following of sex bots against the world

Ever think to yourself “how is this my life” then eat five pounds of gummy bears?

The Care and Feeding of Your Inner Demon

Inside me there are two bagels

If they take Punky Brewster, Ricky Schroder, or Tiffany Amber Theisen from us, I am going to kms

First Malcolm Jamal Warner, then Ozzy, now Hulk Hogan? My childhood is dying, and I am not ok.

I want to see the Behind The Music special about how Bambi went from a buck in the movie to inspiring one of the top 3 female stripper stage names of all time

People think a post is “successful” if it gets a lot of likes but personally I think a post is successful if it reaches just one person and absolutely ruins their day

So annoyed by these people talking beside me (my family)

I put the i in Daddy issues.

A lobotomy is starting to sound pretty relaxing.

You know you’re dead inside when you pass a playground and don’t feel the urge to get on the swings

almost drove off the road trying to open a slim jim

The Hollywood Walk of Fame would be a lot cooler if they buried all of the celebrities under their stars