𝚂𝚔𝚒𝚗 𝙼𝚞𝚏𝚏𝚒𝚗𝚜

Maybe your baby is crying because it wants a cigarette.

why can’t twitter be pink

sit with me. feel everything

i keep asking the night to take me with it

i hope i at least make you smile sometimes

everybody got that one person they wish they could meet for the first time all over again

do u want to go to Home Depot and get a little freaky in the lighting section

The sluttiest thing a woman can do is bake cookies specifically for me.

The fucking exceptional singularity that is you

A 7 nation army is probably overkill. Like 2 big dudes could hold me back.

Me when when my friend Bert asks me if I want ice cream: sherbet

the version of you i crave most is the one no one else gets to see

This app is 20x better when you just talking to yourself

uber driver heard me singing along and changed the station...

Not tonight, baby. I just need to lay my head in your lap while you play with my hair and tell me I’m pretty.

Feeds you all to the raccoons.

An apple is just nature's cigarette.

I’m like if a beat up Toyota Camry was a person

Regret me harder

You look like a trainwreck, pleasure to meet you.

i fucked up this sudoku so bad no one's ever gonna wanna have sex with me