Natalie Would

Nailed it.

What doesn't kill you should've followed my instructions

When you split a dessert the waiter should bring two forks and one of those chess clocks you smack to let the other person know it’s their turn.

someone said “how you gonna be racist and have acne? worry about your own skin” and i- 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

what's wrong babe? you've hardly touched your childhood dreams

At least a ticking time bomb gives you a heads up

I'm at my wits' middle

asian parents give u unmoanable names so u can focus on ur studies

WIFE: I regret getting you that blender for Christmas. ME: {drinking toast} Why?

either the tables are going to turn or i'm going to flip them.

I wish turning into my mother burned more calories

Men microdose bicuriousness by asking what you’d do for a million dollars

So many people forget that the first country the Nazis invaded was their own.

For a fucked up person, you'd think I'd thrive in a fucked up world.

Wishing now I had applied those 10,000 hours to something I could do in public.

All good art comes from vitamin d deficiency

I aim to please and tend to miss

my cat just sneezed a bunch of times in a row and then hissed at HIMSELF what an icon

I didn’t mind my wife hitting me in the face as she climaxed until I found out she was faking it

it’s easy to mock Coldplay. but not many groups can put out four new singles in a night.

"I asked grok" "I asked chatGPT" ok well I just knew.