L

If I ever get self esteem y’all better lookout.

People out there having babies and I can barely handle the microwave beeping at me more than once

Made it to Friday. Just a couple decades or so to go

Maybe this forth time opening my phone I’ll remember what I was gonna do

I spend way too much time asking myself what a normal person response would be

If you’re trying to impress me with your vehicle, it better be a food truck

People love to suggest cutting sugar from your diet like that’s an option

Not to brag but I got out of bed

starting a new show sucks. who are these people

‘Yas queen you killin it’ I say to myself as I accomplish the minutest of tasks

Live laugh doom scroll

I bet waking up feeling refreshed feels really good

Hot mess middle aged woman summer

I regret saying I would go..a memoir.

I’m like if a beat up Toyota Camry was a person

If a hotel room has a bedside Bible I expect room service to have an exorcist

The irony of me laughing at my cat chasing the unattainable red dot while simultaneously chasing my own futile and fruitless illusory pursuits is not lost on me.

Don’t bore them with your depression. Dazzle them with jokes fueled BY your depression. ✨

I wonder how many calories I can burn petting my cat?

Have you tried being bad at everything about it

If I was a car the engine light would be permanently on with a piece of tape covering it