ugh

if you’re reading this the curse has been broken

50k likes and I’ll get it

I’m the horror movie character that finds a dead bird or something and says shit like “this is a bad omen”

omg angel numbers

land line? you mean like the equator

I love having to complete a captcha to prove I’m not a robot before speaking with a robot

any bojack horseman fans in the house

pillow you look fabulous tonight who are you wearing

(flirting in a way that will get me a meeting with hr) so is there a mr management

a workplace accident would fix me right now

preparing both mentally and physically to wake up with back problems tomorrow because I got a new pillow today

sea? you bet your bass I do

otorhinolaryngologist? you mean the ear nose and throat goat?

I consulted with all the stars in the night sky and they told me to go fuck myself

I bothered them enough that they deleted it 😌

microdosing being a comedian by writing my little shitposts

True Meaning of Transness

hey google what does psychosis feel like

a kitchenaid stand mixer in the colour pistachio would totally fix me right now