slice of beef
@sliceofheck
fuck you, son https://twitter.com/search?q=from:@sliceofheck/exclude:replies
Pooping my pants to make a poignant statement about class warfare
I’m worried the next Black Sabbath farewell tour really might be the last one
Guy introducing his gf who loves giving blow jobs: this is my girlfriend who loves giving blow jobs
kicking my boyfriend around until he becomes a sphere
Imagine hating me and I’m just over here hooking grandma’s tits to a car battery
Watching the show "I didn't know I was pregnant" took the joy out of taking massive dumps and replaced it with sheer paranoia
I thought a thirst trap was when you pissed in someone’s drink
I have the impermanence of a much more transitionary being.
Administering CPR: he’s not responding, you better jack him off
I’m scared of needles so I just inject the ozempic directly into my dog
Hey lady, you got great tits. Which is weird for me to say, because I usually hate tits.
Her: Okay, cook the chicken in olive oil, then set it aside and cook the mushrooms in the pan until browned, then add the chicken BACK to the pan, add some broth, white wine, garlic powder, salt and pepper, then cook a little longer. Now you got all that? Me: *continues farting*
“Excuse me, miss? Miss! You have to pay for that fart! Miss!!!” - me chasing a woman stealing from the fart store