My name is Andy 💜
@saboutime9
To be, or not to be, that is the question…that I put here instead of a bio. 🇺🇸
I’m pretty much a go with the flow guy, but the flow needs to calm the fuck down!
the real body count is how many people are in therapy because of you
Friend walks in my house - What's with all these flowers - I found an old lamp with genie inside and all, so I asked for many different powers - ..and? - Genie is a little deaf
Waved at someone who wasn’t waving at me this morning. Time to relocate and start a new life.
I belong to you and you belong to me. Tell me that you know that too.
I never play chicken with anyone unless I’m absolutely positive that I’m more crazy than they are.
*Adds broccoli to recipe for the health benefits* *Picks broccoli out while eating it*
*Tacking another photo of you to my wall while reminding myself these are just retweets
I already knew Uranus was emitting a lot of heat, cuz your ass is smoking. Anyway… I’m back in HR.
"Well, congrats you are totally fixed" *Me, as your therapist / sick of your bullshit
It’s like he doesn’t even know why I’m wearing these ponytails.
How you gonna hold a funeral at lunch time, then complain about the smell of a bloomin onion in the room?
Sometimes you have got to put yourself top of your priority list.
We don't just embrace insanity here. We french kiss it, feel it up and buy it a fucking drink
Oh, you don’t drip the last bit of hand soap into the new bottle? Must be nice being a billionaire.
If you’re trying to impress me with your vehicle, it better be a food truck
I have zero artistic skills I can’t even draw myself a bath