vapid ally
@vapidally
not horny
My friend’s been trying to convince me to try a dating app, but I guess I’d just rather meet my murderer organically.
sorry I’m late, I encountered a tiny beetle that was stuck on its back and was helping it to roll over
theres a new consciousness emerging from the storm sewers
therapy isn’t enough i need to be rolled up and down a hill until i’m a meatball
It's me and my ever-growing following of sex bots against the world
Told my therapist I've been hearing voices. She told me I don't have a therapist.
I don’t like answering personal questions like “what show are you watching?”. That’s between me and Netflix, sir.
Do I have a type, or do I just keep dating people who look like they’d ruin my credit score?
A coworker left a post-it note on his computer monitor that said "I quit" and walked out and I have a hero for the first time in my life
People who speak loudly on their phones in public weren’t hugged enough as children
Of all the finger smells, tearing fresh basil is probably one of the best
An easy way to check if you're attractive: send a 'Hey' DM and see if they reply
not only not in the loop, not even loop adjacent. not even on the same plane of existence
don’t make me angry. i will say the b word that rhymes with witch.