vapid ally

At the electronics store asking where the motivational speakers are

I haven't done anything stupid today. I must be slipping.

Death, taxes, me picking the most fucked up shopping cart

dark humour is like a dad, not everyone has it

might i compare thee to a summer’s day? you make me want to stay in my house

asking a random person in target to tell me more about the place

cancelling plans & holding my own hand

Childhood was staring at your closet door at 3 AM, waiting for it to either open or kill you.

girls are at their peak when wearing a big shirt and no pants

please sit down and relax while i make you the focus of my new secret mind experiments

while you’re out tonight i’m gonna go on an adventure with your stuffed animals

i could never describe you with ordinary words

Don’t confuse what it is with what you want it to be.

Your expectations aren’t my responsibility.

i think I’m perfectly ok never exploring a cave

“Does he know you’re crazy?” Me: Nah. I like to save that for a surprise.

If I get bit by a mosquito, I'm going the fuck home.

twitter account so good even HR wants to see it

When I adore someone I usually want to put them in my purse

If Netflix has taught me anything, it's that cruise ships are gross.

not now kitten, daddy's facing the inevitable