vapid ally
@vapidally
not horny
My friend’s been trying to convince me to try a dating app, but I guess I’d just rather meet my murderer organically.
sorry I’m late, I encountered a tiny beetle that was stuck on its back and was helping it to roll over
I’ve observed that very few of you follow me and I must say, it seems like an on oversight your part.
Be the reason he checks his brake lines in the morning.
Weeks can be ranked by how far you can get into it before reaching the day you wake up like ‘not this shit again’
Me on grocery store intercom: I’d like to warn the other shoppers that there’s a hugger on aisle five
(takes brain out and points at it) what the fuck is your problem buddy
We ended up spending the entire date talking about ourselves in third person.