Just Bill
@WilliamAder
I'll be here all weak.
We didn't have all these problems back when Pluto was a planet.
Choosing Yoda for my GPS voice navigation was probably a bad idea.
Somebody responded to Hulk Hogan’s death by saying, and I quote, “Man, people are dying that never died before!” This will haunt me…
Boss: If you have Twitter make sure to follow our corporate account. Me: I don't have Twitter but what's the name and if ever join Twitter I’ll follow. Boss: gives me the @ name. Me: logs in and promptly blocks the account and writes this tweet.
Standing desk usage so far: time sitting: 90% time standing: 5% time accidentally hitting the button that makes it go up and down: 117%
I’m surprised they didn’t tap Jim Jordan to be AG or FBI Director. He’s got the most experience covering up sexual abuse.
Doctor told me white noise would help me sleep, so I tuned my radio to a country station.
Of course I work out. Right now I'm working out how I can fit more ice cream in the freezer.
Starting to think the Buffalo Gals are never going to come out.
Dentist: This is going to sting a little. Me: Okay. Dentist: I unfollowed you on Twitter.
What I thought I texted my boss: New intern has photographic memory! What I actually texted my boss: New intern has photogenic mammaries!
The problem with subtitled shows is, the moment I look away to check Twitter, all the actors start speaking gibberish.
I can't sleep without a fan on me, so hit me up if you're interested.
Go to the limits of your longing. Let everything happen to you: beauty and terror. Just keep going. No feeling is final. ~ Rilke