𝑴𝒐 𝑴𝒐𝒉𝒍𝒆𝒓

Neither buddy. These appear to be fries.

Not a fan of frozen pizza. Too cold in my opinion.

Me, when the manager of Wendy’s doesn’t realize I’m trying to get a free Baconator…

Knock three times on the ceiling if you want me Because I love giving you oral while you're wearing your 30-inch drywall stilts.

Take your pants off. I wanna see if I can hear the ocean in your balls.

I asked my wife how to turn Alexa off. She said, I don’t know, have you tried walking through the room naked?

Lisa Frank is the Emily Dickinson of dolphin art, imo.

Most people don’t know that KFC stands for Kelly Fucking Clarkson, the singer that invented fried chicken in 2007.

You look like the last math class you took was called “Math”

There wouldn't be any road rage if you idiots would learn how to drive

Girls mature faster than guys because men don’t usually develop breasts until their mid 40’s.

Only us real sitters get it.

baseball coach: relax your forearms. my 10yo: I only have 2 arms.

McDonald’s should make pizza again, but get it right this time.

Bat Out Of Hell was a good album.

Don't tell me to make myself at home, i'll drink your vodka, eat all your cheese and then take an epic nap

Do I like Phil Collins? I’ve got two ears and a heart, don’t I?