xXSaltyDogXx
@doggiedogthedog
proud USN vet-I don’t believe anything I read and only 1/2 of what I write-❤️🐶 I enjoy playing Scrabble and pissing outdoors
I asked my wife how to turn Alexa off. She said, I don’t know, have you tried walking through the room naked?
An elderly Italian man living alone in New Jersey wanted to plant his annual tomato garden, but it was challenging work, since the ground was hard. His only son, Vincent, who used to help him, was in prison. The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament:…
Same with me in a dress. I need to add that in will. Levi's or I'm out. Save some $ and throw me in the burn pile
I don’t look good in suits. When I wear a suit I look like I should be buried in it.
The last time I went live on here one of you fucks way in the back threw a cyber tomato at me and ruined my new vest. You’re all a bunch of barbarians.
Hell yes I'll jump on your fantasy train. We all have a few of our own.
What do I want you to do??! I want you to get this alligator the fuck out my house. That’s what I want you to do.
I post alot of silly, stupid shit on here for one reason...So that hopefully, you can forget about your stress and your problems (even for a second) and have a laugh. Life is too short to not laugh.
Me: buys groceries to eat healthy Also me, 2 days later: eating cereal out of the box at 11pm because ambition left the chat.
You need to shut up. I’m not in the mood for your shit right now, alright?
I did not credit the talented young artist that did my last tattoo, I will remedy that now. Please go take a look at how talented she is. instagram.com/jordyn_tatts?i…
Why does it hurt when you bite your tongue on accident but not when you bite your tongue on purpose? And why are you biting your tongue right now?
Mine used to say dont talk to strangers which is what we are all doing here lol
Remember how mothers used to tell us that if we don't have anything nice to say not to say anything at all? That is how mimes are made.
If my posts seem chaotic lately, don’t worry — I’m not unraveling, I’m just finally emptying my draft folder like it’s emotional spring cleaning. 😝
Have been closing out my work emails with “Chudai” and now HR wants to talk to me.
Babe’s idea of foreplay is getting takeout from Applebees.
this sweet potato needs to calm TF down 😭
When I hit the jackpot, it’s free therapy for all my favorite emotionally unstable people.