sixfootcandy
@sixfootcandy
Loves animals more than most people.
Do people who run marathons know they don’t have to?
Love is sharing a glance across the room at a party that says, “We’re totally gossiping about these people in the car later.”
Nothing is more entertaining than witnessing the absolute discomfort of my mom and my husband watching a sex scene in the same room. He re-tied his shoes two times. Just to be safe.
My husband accidentally got me a burger with a gluten free bun and vegan cheese. We had a good run.
Sometimes I look at my husband and think, “Wow. That’s the person I chose to argue with about dryer lint for the rest of my life.”
My 5yo was bragging to his brother about how he does the highest flips on the trampoline. I’m not sure where he gets his need to be better than other people, but he’s mistaken because I’m the highest flipper.
A guy was rude to me in the pharmacy section. Ten minutes later, he got behind me at checkout with one item. I had a full cart and didn’t let him go ahead. Actions have consequences, Greg.
I’m not procrastinating. I’m protecting my peace through active avoidance.
Every marriage has one person who reports celebrity deaths, and the other who says, “Too young” or “I thought they were already dead.”
White people be like I saw this recipe in People magazine
Playing an educational CD-ROM game in the corner of the living room while my wife meets with her book club
My wife and I have started making videos of plates and bowls that we’re selling from home while snowed in. Now is the winter of our dish content.
In awe of people I see at the gym with no headphones. Not in it for the health, just in it for the suffering.
*controversial post (tweet) that will get me skewered on X (twitter)*