Rae's a little hell🇨🇦
@omgshuddup
I parallel parked correctly on the first try once.
Him "I like you" Me: "Meh, give it five days. Him: "No I really like you" Me: "okay. Ten." Narrator * It would, in fact, take 4.
sorry i didn’t text back i was on tiktok watching a movie in 137 separate parts
Don't mind me. I think I'll just stand here and scream for a while.
Nothing like spending 30 minutes of your morning trying to recreate a fart sound your chair made to prove to your coworkers it wasn't you
Remember way back when you were like 16 and you knew everything, were immortal and your knees didn’t always hurt? Good times.
HR said I can only sweep the leg as a last resort in the workplace from now on
I was in the pub when the barmaid screamed, "Does anyone know CPR?" I yelled, "I know the entire alphabet," and we all laughed and laughed—well, except one person
[texts back three years later] haha not much what about you
I love trying new restaurants and then ordering the exact same menu item I always get somewhere else, prepared identically.
Your sexually suggestive tweets pair well with all the pictures of your cats.
girls be on twitter for 15 minutes just to retweet everything they see and leave
I bet people at Astronomer are going rogue today. They be like “What are you gonna do? Send me to HR?”
woke up with both balls hanging out my tank top again. long as hell mfs.
missing the time when i used to obsessively read books in less than a day and not worry about a single thing in life
Having to go to HR for asking if HR stands for "huge rack".
There’s something to be said for having someone to bounce the little things off of so that the big things don’t feel so big and no this isn’t a euphemism