Joe

The last memory of my father will always be at the zoo, when he took his pants off and yelled, "watch me fuck this bear."

Oh your dick is your pinned tweet, how original.

Interviewer: What’s your best skill? Me: Falling asleep at my desk... Interviewer: That’s not really appropriate. Me: *already asleep*

I already knew Uranus was emitting a lot of heat, cuz your ass is smoking. Anyway… I’m back in HR.

Tits are a form of therapy.

Life is short. DM him your tits.

I’m married, I just date to bang. And…send.

Of course I keep naked pictures of myself on my phone doesn’t everyone?

You wanna know if I’m a real person? *blocked.

If you see someone crying ask them if it’s because their mother let them out the house looking like that

The best way to handle some people is to just keep your distance.

I never play chicken with anyone unless I’m absolutely positive that I’m more crazy than they are.

The lost art of knowing when to shut the fuck up.

When you thought you were done but then a little more poop comes out in the elevator.

you post ass, i post ss; we are not the same

Let’s get lost in the aisles of an old book store.

Just gave a homeless man $5 because I know what it's like to be sober.

I want gothic drama, not healthy communication. V.C. Andrews didn’t raise me to settle for a boring love story.

Life is hard wear a helmet

Sex so good, I almost tell your mom about it.

Sex so good I almost tell your dad about it.