KSHE95

Drunk Women Marines at karaoke night establishing dominance by daring me to arm wrestle.

Pinocchio is a metaphor for how it feels to be stuck using sex toys when all you want is a real boy. even if he lies to you you'll sit on that face

*keeping cool in the shade my haters threw

Out of all the voices in my head, the women voices are the worst... so catty.

They should have a section on the wing of the airplane where people can go out for a cigarette.

The Care and Feeding of Your Inner Demon

I saved a ton of money on a security system by stealing my neighbors ADT sign.

I belong to you and you belong to me. Tell me that you know that too.

I’ll never understand your concept and for that I’m eternally grateful.

I like to start every conversation with ‘you people..’

More Telemundo programming in Japanese voiceover, please - said no one ever

Alexa, take responsibility for my actions

Another day, another gigantor ball of suck

I avoid shit because my temper can go from 0 to life in prison in two seconds.

She’s not mad, she’s writing… and you should be scared.

“Failure is not an option” People who don’t know how failure works.

No no babe, no cuddles during my cartoon time.

The older I get the more I love my morning coffee and no one speaking to me.

Them: "have a nice weekend" Me: "don't tell me what to do"

I’d finish your cake for you.

stepped outside, zero stars, would not recommend