Fillmore Wilbury 🎶

There ain’t enough stampede collectors in these parts now a days

I talk to myself because I'm a better listener than most...

When my husband and I have a fight I always move the condiments to different spots in the refrigerator

Alright who puddinged in my bread?

“Did you read the fine print?” Me: I didn’t even read the large print

Rap name: Lil Help

I can’t be manipulated but I can be moneypulated.

If you see someone crying ask them if it’s because their mother let them out the house looking like that

Sometimes a good bad joke is a good joke

I think a lot about feelings... just mine though, never yours.

The real trick is to outlive Keith Richards.

I was going to tell you about a girl who only eats vegetables, but you’ve probably never heard of herbivore.

Adding a thousand more tweets to my bookmarks will fix me

Bestie: ok.. I’m going to need you to swear to me… Me: ok. You fucking ignorant b…. Bestie: like a promise???? Me: oh..

the feminine urge to put a spell on you

Twitter is basically an acceptable way to mumble nonsense to yourself daily without being diagnosed schizophrenic.

I already knew Uranus was emitting a lot of heat, cuz your ass is smoking. Anyway… I’m back in HR.

Never fear, there's plenty of madness to go around.

I like to end each day with a work out like right now I'm trying to work out how to eat these cookies without having to share with my family.

Hell is an all-you-can-eat buffet of circus peanuts.

Waved at someone who wasn’t waving at me this morning. Time to relocate and start a new life.