Lori

The voices in your head are just goth imaginary friends

I think i'm kinda greedy for everything that money can't buy.

People who only need a quick 15 minute nap and feel refreshed afterwards are weirdos.

I TOLD YOU ABOUT MY LOVE OF OATMEAL RAISIN COOKIES IN CONFIDENCE!!

"Well, congrats you are totally fixed" *Me, as your therapist / sick of your bullshit

My tweets are on sale this week. Buy one, get one free.

Do you ever change fragrances of deodorant then all day feel like someone is sneaking up on you?

Always cut the grass to expose the snakes.

Sometimes I like a person . . . But it doesn't mean I like that person everyday.

You really can't judge a person based on a single restraining order.

Watermelon every day makes my belly say yay

Your love of cottage cheese is killing this relationship.

We need more use of the phrase 'slack jawed yokel' in our vernacular

famous quote from my old man: no matter what you're doing, I've either done it or thought about it

"We ride at dawn" Me headed to the grocery on Thanksgiving eve

As the house burned she ran back in to grab her lucky zippo and the gas can used to start the blaze.

Each of these tweets are hand crafted using only the finest natural ingredients. No artificial fillers or sweeteners. The host on the Time Life infomercial when I go viral one day

Death is not powerful enough to extinguish a light but it can set it free.

Listen I had a fucking terrible night...my friends are doing stupid fucking shit and won't let me fucking fix it

I like to end each day with a work out like right now I'm trying to work out how to eat these cookies without having to share with my family.

I am getting tired... My friends come to me for advice and comfort even though they have a partner, siblings, parents and friends who live nearby that can be there for them, while I have none of those..