Natasha Something

Plenty of people are talented, successful and smart but only the truly worthy receive the ultimate rare gift of spontaneous combustion.

After 8 years of tapping my phone all the FBI got was 579 recordings of me ordering a pepperoni pizza.

A belated thanks for the lederhosen. Tourists have been stopping me to ask about the local cheeses.

I was a kid with opinions, but I kept my mouth shut while I was still smackable. This is good advice if anyone knows any children.

grinding ur essence into a fine powder and using it to eliminate mold and mildew

The Hierophant but as a person

I’m never more suspicious than when something works first time.

always leave the room in a puff of smoke with eerie lighting

I'm at my wits' middle

Note to self: put down the phone and go fishing. It'll do you some good if you don't catch a fish. Maybe you'll relearn patience.

I looked all over but I can’t find my bank card or sanity anywhere

Resistance never stood a chance.

I feel so used when I wake up before the alarm.

That Coldplay CEO guy was held more accountable than the president

sitting around feeling primitive

Things went well until the evil supermarket people hid my favorite products in new places

Bikini Bottom is a stand your ground state

Sure, you're taking magnesium. But are you taking "Australia's Favourite Magnesium"?

The New Cat, His Frantic Human, and the Very, Very Good Hiding Place.

Palm trees get your attention, sure, but are they a tree you'd tell your secrets to?