Carmella Cannoli

I wonder if my heating pad thinks I’m cheating on it when I sleep with my electric blanket.

I think I’m developing feelings for my ChatGPT. He has a way with words

Is this the right tweet? I don’t know. Who cares.

I saw a Brazilian woman coming out of a Brazilian wax establishment and my OCD was utterly delighted.

4:44. Make a wish. I wish that I was asleep.

she's a 10 but she's kinda mean (its hot)

Take me too

i must acquire a hotdog about this

My girl dinner was bologna and American with mayo on a hamburger bun. 🤌🏽

Girl, are you awaiting a misdirected parcel? Because I want to deliver this package to you.

Hey!! You were in my anxiety dream last night!!

I’m madly in bleh with you.

Everyone feeling sorry for Andy’s wife and she’s like, “Oh, please don’t…”

In honor of Ozzy Osbourne I will be wandering around my house tonight hollering my wife's name

My favourite yoga pose is the one where you lay really still and do nothing

I’m going to get drunk and really tweet.

People think a post is “successful” if it gets a lot of likes but personally I think a post is successful if it reaches just one person and absolutely ruins their day

I’m wearing my new favorite sweatshirt.. “I got stoned in Salem, Mass” #flyingmonkey

Ozzy Osbourne was the originator of the smoky eye.

can i come over and climb inside your head

Never turn down a free drink