Quarantined Anders
@andersjazz
True Twitter genius providing everything you could ever need for a lavish Twitter experience.
My twitter account is 97.9% pharmaceutical-grade purified humor.
The town on the pizza box looks nice, but I’m sure they’ve got problems like the rest of us.
Spellcheck, guys. (Not that film/TV/Broadway costumers shouldn’t be cared for.)
This very dumb tweet is the blessing you needed in this moment.
America. Exceptional fast food and exceptional dance moves.
Me: Would you get scuba certified with me? 18: WTF? When are you gonna go scuba diving? Me: With like groups…? 18: What’s next, your welder license? Forklift certification? Me: I need something. I just like to be in the water. 18: This shit is sad. Scuba diving. Me: No?
Brilliant advertising. Make the vehicle part of your ad. @The_AdProfessor
Vacations are expensive, but how else could you put a price tag on your kids being ungrateful in a different city.
The concierge has stepped away and will return shortly. We apologize for the inconvenience.
You guys want two fuckin’ cage-free, organic, farm fresh poached eggs, Canadian bacon, English muffin, house made hollandaise sauce and breakfast potatoes or something?
When your career takes a nosedive, they stick you with an orchestra.
When I was a kid, I literally thought this was how people went off to bed at night.
Not to brag, but this Botox lasts a month and not a moment more.