ScottW
@jswtreeman
Florida Man. Overeducated Southerner. I’m taller than you. 5x Grandfather. Married to @ahwilliams5
Carol Burnett is 89 years old and has never hosted SNL. NBC end this madness now.
What if you could carry a piano with you wherever you go and annoy people with it? * the guy who invented the accordion
The older I get the more I love my morning coffee and no one speaking to me.
I bet dung beetles don’t ask other dung beetles to name their pets after the last thing they ate.
There are rednecks with money and there are people with money trying to be a redneck. They are very different things.
I wish laughing inappropriately in serious situations was a job
Maybe the reason we weren’t that affected by all the violence we saw in cartoons as kids is because it was offset by classical music.
Do I have a type, or do I just keep dating people who look like they’d ruin my credit score?
You can tell a lot about a person by the way he steals your snowmobile.
Extreme heat watch alert: Stay inside in an air-conditioned room. Stay out of the sun and limit outdoor activities. Drink plenty of fluids. Me: You had me at "stay inside".
Peter Pan must have gotten a swelled head when he found out he had a whole syndrome named after him.
Just wait - when you think Hulk Hogan is down and out he always makes a miraculous comeback
At this point I just assume every celebrity that is trending has died.
All the pallbearers at Hulk Hogan’s funeral should simultaneously rip off their shirts when they set the casket down.
It’s always a huge relief when I’m reading a list of symptoms of a deadly disease and it says unexplained weight loss.
The guy at the funeral home said I should probably set the beef chalupa down while picking out grandma’s casket. As if I can’t do two things at once pal.