Hollie Harris
@allholls
Writer. Mom. Storyteller. #GenXer. And apparently the person in charge of what's for dinner until the end of time.
*walking into someone's house with healthy, thriving houseplants everywhere* Me: Oh, I see you dabble in witchcraft.
Nutritionist: You are what you eat. Me: Then I must taste pretty delicious.
I talk to myself because I'm a better listener than most...
I’m not dramatic. I just react with the intensity of a Shakespearean widow at all times.
Green tea is just yellow tea that had asparagus for dinner last night.
Is wanting to peel all my skin off like a grape considered self-care?
It’s always a huge relief when I’m reading a list of symptoms of a deadly disease and it says unexplained weight loss.
I don’t just spill something down myself, I make sure I spill something especially oily and really difficult to get out down myself.
On a scale of 1 to 10, how terrifying are you before the coffee kicks in?
I finally remembered what it was like to feel hungry when I missed my three snacks in between breakfast and lunch.
Some days, he's my soul mate. Others, it's more like he's my cell mate.
Today my therapist did a mindfulness exercise with me to help me quiet my brain and instead of focusing on my breathing I thought about how funny it would be if I just started screaming. Anyway I laughed through the entire exercise so I’m pretty sure we won’t be doing that again.
Who needs therapy when we’ve got AI videos of baby peacocks.
my wife asked me to pick up a thing at the store so i spent an hour not finding it at a sports bar having chicken wings and beer
Latest reason for feeling old on vacation - my bathing suit bottom covers more than 6% of my buttcheeks
10yo: mommy look! her, driving: can't see what you're pointing at back there. him: oh, thought you said you had eyes in the back your head. her:
I was in a pool and my kids had to ruin it by standing on the side and whining. Then my wife started complaining about me, claiming “I asked you to watch them” and “Not sit in their kiddie pool in our backyard and drink scotch”.
Ok, satnav for flies - so they can find their way back out again.
I thought my car’s headlights were off but it turns out they just need cataract surgery.
If I tell you I'm in a really good place right now, I'm probably in a chocolate factory.