Helen Bach
@andshewasgone1
First time caller, long time listener.
That awkward moment when you're not sure if you actually have free time or if you're just forgetting everything.
"How much of an allowance did you get as a teenager per week?" Me: I was allowed to live there.
Welcome to your 40s. You mentally prepare to stand up now.
Of course I’m not like other girls, I always know what I want to eat, it’s literally all I think about
9 out of 10 times when I lose something, it's because I put it away.
Good morning to everyone, especially those who appreciate time by the water.
Sorry. Can't. Rewriting my grocery list in the order that I shop through the store.
Nothing makes you feel older than your kid asking what a fax machine is.
Been cooking and baking with a towel under my bra, how’s your day going.
*removes all the raisins from my Raisin Bran and replaces them with two scoops of ibuprofen*
The bartisa who served my coffee this morning told me to have a good day, so I've only just opened twitter.
Them: Hey, I’m in your neighbourhood Me: Please keep going
Hang in there, at some point the fucks you give will be appreciated. Just kidding, no they won’t.
sorry i didn’t text back i was on tiktok watching a movie in 137 separate parts