DaddyJew

Never trust someone who tells you to trust them. Trust me.

Before the Internet, we didn’t even know how dumb everyone was. We suspected of course, but now we have proof.

Being called the biggest slut on twitter is like super high praise have you seen this place?

The evolution of communication 1990: page me 2000: call me back after 9 2010: text me 2025: send me a picture of your cat

Ozzy Osbourne proved that eyeliner, passion, and just a little chaos can take you all the way to legend status.

husband: you should get out more me: *goes to Target* husband: not like that

i’m def the most gangsta mf up in this Taco Bell drinking a Strawberry Starburst slushie

Psst hey

(screams into the abyss) ok im ready

“I’ll never forget where I was when…” The Silent Generation Pearl Harbor was attacked. Boomers Kennedy was shot. Gen X The Challenger exploded. Millennials The towers came down. Gen Z Two no name losers got busted committing adultery on a Jumbotron at a Coldplay concert.

Don’t settle. Get you a man whose emotional damage comes with lore

My balls if you hold a flashlight under them.

its pretty wild his base said, "no, no its okay he's a pedophile, as long as he's a racist pedophile..."

i just dropped the dime on this old lady who asked for a cup of water and then got herself a fountain drink and i’ve never felt so alive

for $3 a month i will comment “derp” on random photos of your ex

No no no, Cuck is my father’s name. I’m Cuck Jr.

find a job where you don’t have to work a day and you’ll never have to work a day in your life

when the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you’ll probably need some eye drops

My daughter’s new bluetooth karaoke mic has suddenly and mysteriously disappeared and we are all just so, so sad that we can’t find it

All I’m saying is … if you don’t eat pasta at least twice a week … don’t even knock on my door 🤣

Me, myself, and music!