Dadman Walking

one thing about adulthood i was not prepared for was how many cardboard boxes i'd have to breakdown and throw away all the time.

rival dad and I are now actual rivals after getting the sheriff involved today. Please give me wrong answers only for how to handle living next to him now.

Standing desk usage so far: time sitting: 90% time standing: 5% time accidentally hitting the button that makes it go up and down: 117%

it is morning.

My favorite app to scroll is Venmo because why is Bill making his wife pay him back for her Starbucks coffee?

An intervention but it’s just my browser restarting and asking if I want to reopen ALL tabs

husband: you should get out more me: *goes to Target* husband: not like that

No YOU just repeatedly tugged on the car door handle for five minutes before realizing it wasn't unlocking because it wasn't your car.

Proud of how far I've come in 2 years despite all the shit. Just slightly more gray.

Coffee is not enough. I need a slap in the face and a Jolt cola.

Welcome to your 40s. You mentally prepare to stand up now.

My favorite thing about working all day & then having to come home to make dinner is absolutely nothing. There should be a law against this bullshit.

Hobbies? I have hobbies, what do you call staying inside to avoid the heat

will 100 Texas roadhouse rolls cure my depression? Idk but there's only one way to find out.

My daughter’s new bluetooth karaoke mic has suddenly and mysteriously disappeared and we are all just so, so sad that we can’t find it

Tomatoes are a fruit, ketchup is a smoothie.

being a single parent is fun because I get to do everything.

People just don't frolic like they used to!

My husband accidentally got me a burger with a gluten free bun and vegan cheese. We had a good run.