Micheal Maybe
@MichealElliott
Ordained Beach Bum with lots of cancers, living the dream with my wife, our revolutionary 8 yr old daughter + a clingy Dalmatian.
"You're not going to believe any of this shit." ~ 1st sentence of my Autobiography
Twitter is evidence that insane people can be extremely entertaining from a safe distance.
Before you come to me for any life advice just know that I wash all my new clothes before I wear them.
Now I lay me down to sleep, after smoking a bowl loaded with Kief, if I die should die before I wake, I'll be really, really stoned.
Contrary to what my taste in music would have you believe, I don’t actually do drugs.
I applied to a bunch of jobs tonight, but I also put both legs in one pant-hole while putting on my pajamas. Balance.
"Hey Che (8), I may fall asleep," I say lounging on the sofa with her. "Okay Dad," she smiles, patting my leg, "just don't die."
Left my mark like a glitter bomb…unforgettable and slightly inconvenient forever.
I don’t want to know anymore terrible things. It’s too much.
What do people who tell us they can’t believe their birthday is in 11 days want from us?
Maybe zero likes on every tweet for 5 consecutive years is a message from Twitter.
In Seminary I cause quite an uproar when I translated Matthew 12:34 as Jesus saying, "You stupid ass muthafuckers!" rather than the traditional "You brood of vipers".
If you ever need me, call me any time, day or night, and I'll return your call when I get around to it
Japan is giving me $50 billion dollars no questions asked.