Larry’s Twin 99

She’s a 10, but her feet are always freezing cold.

I'm not incel enough to help with your needs

You look like the type of person who eats a cinnamon roll without the icing.

You bet I'm multilingual! I speak English I sigh in French I dream in Italian I swear in Gaelic, and, sometimes, German Impressive, I know.

He's such a gentleman. He apologizes before he insults you.

Sometimes I'm an asshole just for the fun of it

I’m going to start wearing elevator shoes so I get the respect I deserve!

Vibes "Everything that needs to be said has already been said. But since no one was listening, everything must be said again." André Gide

I’m not horny anymore so I’m not letting anyone merge into my lane on the way home from work tonight.

marinating chicken & giving it a few good whacks

I wanna be clear this is not a kiss cam photo.

Rubbing Icy Hot on each other like we’re newlyweds.

What's the matter, babe? Fare increase on the Struggle Bus?

Pro tip: You can totally hate the player AND the game

Haven't watch Disclosure with Micheal Douglas and Demi Moore in years, checking it out again 🙂

The bearer of bad news is rarely naked. And this is why I don't trust news.

The waiting room for unanswered DMs:

I did not say that! Menopause did.

Are you mad or big mad?

People love it when you talk to them on flights you should definitely do that.

someone check on david attenborough ffs 😭