JP 🍍

We told you to stop at 2012 - the mayans

gentle parenting grown adults as a childless woman in corporate america

"How much of an allowance did you get as a teenager per week?" Me: I was allowed to live there.

Should probably go to bed. You coming?

i was about to complain about wanting a cookie and then i remembered i have oreos stashed 😂😍

Walk your dog

Willem Dafoe turns 70 perfect years old today.

you're the bees tits.

White skin is cool too

Asked a date if she liked cheesy lines, then panicked and offered her actual cheddar. Why am I like this?

do people with soothing voices know they’ve already won?

Drop your finest Tuesday picture, you gorgeous apricot

if i actually worked out.. my body would be INSANE.

Introducing kids to The Princess Bride tonight. Anybody want a peanut?

soft and sweet and ripe for the taking

When people do favors for me I automatically start making them a baked ziti as a thank you.

my inner child wants to hug your inner child and never let go

I go back to work tomorrow. (Teacher) Send memes, pet pics, designer handbags, and Xanax. Please and thank you.

Smoke a bowl with me you obtuse beluga

I do not have whatever gene it is that makes a person want a Labubu.

not to be dramatic but i fucking adore you