Leanne 🤮

Red onions are clearly fucking purple

not everyone at your workplace is your friend. do your job. fart on people. go home

One day you’re young and fun and the next you’re saying, “Oh, look! A hummingbird!”

Creed had some bangers and we were so mean to them

(sobbing) *finger guns* that’s show biz baby

i legitimately have no idea what anyone under 30 is saying anymore

Sorry I missed your call. I watched it ring and everything.

nobody: somebody uncle tonight:

idk, i think the elephant ties the room together nicely

I don't love America. I love hot dogs.

I’m not getting drunk nomore I been crying at the wrong grave for 2 hours who tf is Willie adams

every day is Independence Day when you decide to never have kids

the first person to ever throw up was probably like ok what the fuck

you’re telling me a chick peed in this salad

It’s officially “put it in reverse terry” season 🤣

i don't like being mean but i don't mind either

It’s not drinking alone if you’re babysitting

in my villain era, but it’s just me using the word no

I got fired from McDonalds for saying “Yes Chef” to everyone

The older I get, no.