sweet jt

i had someone constantly catfishing men on dating sites as me. they’d flirt and exchange pictures and make plans and then they’d find my socials and ask me why i ghosted them. turns out it was my boyfriend.

vet said my pets have the best names. flattering, she’s an expert. i ask, “all the animals here don’t have cool names?”. she says, “no, most are just named normal stuff like… horace”. pause. thats great. compliment instantly lost all effect. not even sure i can come back here.

i can’t even threaten men anymore cuz they’re into that

sorry can’t hang out tonight i have a date with 14 beers and timmy childers

gm say it back

why do i feel so nauseous durning this workout and don’t say it’s my pre workout spaghetti

is the Grim Reaper taking suggestions because i have a few

in another life i would have really liked just smoking crack and listening to fleet foxes with you

Ozzy AND Hulk Hogan, this is 9/11 if you grew up in a town with one Dairy Queen

they are eviscerating Bryan Kohberger in these impact statements. too bad he’s a fucking psychopath and gets off on it

Lucy Liu at the “VH1 Big in 2002 Awards” (02)

RIP to the fucking man 💔

sucks about my lack of bioluminescence

i 🩷 an open bar

(climbing into your skin) scooch over

grok is pee stored in the balls

i don’t watch Love Island so i don’t know what that girl did but whatever it is i would do so much worse