tera-byteme
@notincharge7
Mother of 5, wife of 1, teacher of 20 years. If I don't write this down, did it really happen?
*family meeting "In this house it shall forever be called Twitter, just as our forefathers intended."
Pictures on my phone of my dog sleeping: 🥹 Pictures on my dog’s phone of me sleeping: 😳
I don’t mean to brag, but I didn’t let my mood talk me into getting bangs today.
[in church] husband, whispers: Why are you holding a dollar? me: For an anniversary offering. h: Oooohhhhh....when was our anniversary? me: Today.
I just had to fucking throw away a favorite T-shirt I've been wearing 30 fucking years so don't tell me about fucking problems
“stand on that” baby i’ll do a back flip on it, i don’t care
[in the middle of the night, out of nowhere] husband: My pillow feels weird. me: I got you new pillowcases, two days ago.
when someone says "you can thank me later". I assure you I will not.
*removes all the raisins from my Raisin Bran and replaces them with two scoops of ibuprofen*
*sitting and folding clothes* 8yo: You're doing laundry again? You must really love doing laundry.
It’s impossible to drive past a Starbucks without your teen announcing it.
[disappears] -the third gallon of milk I've bought this week
Girl math - adding 62 items to cart and removing 3 items to save money.
My kids have no idea how a dryer works-There's 2 minutes left!-so obviously the clothes are still soaking wet.
Husband is bragging that in the past two days we've canned 55 quarts of salsa. By "we" I mean me.
When you clog the toilet, it's food ghosts coming back to haunt you.