Tina Marie

Calm down Chad. I’ve had an ingrown hair go deeper than my feelings for you

Sorry for not keeping in touch. I have literally nothing to say

Not now bitch, I'm snorting the leftover powdered sugar from the bag of donuts I just ate.

Damn I fucking eat alot for someone who expects to wear clothes

Her : Use my body like a canvas, paint anything you want Me : *paints entire Denny's menu on her back* Anyway, we don't talk any more

My stomach hurts. I'm going to drink some gin about it.

So, a dead monkee and a pregnant talking chimp. Such is life, huh

I miss cigarettes more than any ex bc at least those bitches were honest about wanting to kill me

Another day, another gigantor ball of suck

i’m a sucker for deep conversations, i wanna know why your cousin got her kids taken

Twitter is showing that i'm not following anyone. This is great

If I ever did a podcast, I would do it only to make you guys suffer by dealing with me even more.

feeling discombobulated? have you tried recombobulating?

I guess sitting in the abortion clinic waiting room isn't the time to remind her of the advantages of anal.

I’m an adult, but not the ‘makes responsible choices’ kind

Be real. How many of y'all held out hope that one day Publishers Clearinghouse would knock on your door and turn your whole life around?

Hammerhead sharks must get sick of always getting asked to help with home improvement projects around the reef.

Fridays should be mandatory half days, especially when it’s hot out

Serious talk at the office of replacing me with "something shiny."

Why is time moving so slow at work?

I’m about to work so hard today making it look like I’m working hard.