Felicia

Hotel California came on the car radio and my husband started talking over the guitar solo. Anyway, I hope someone picks him up from the side of the road where I left him.

"How much of an allowance did you get as a teenager per week?" Me: I was allowed to live there.

From now on when people send me acronyms, I’m not responding until they type that shit out.

I never play chicken with anyone unless I’m absolutely positive that I’m more crazy than they are.

Any of you women want to take my husband to a Coldplay concert?

9 out of 10 times when I lose something, it's because I put it away.

Getting caught having an affair with an executive at a Coldplay concert gotta be top 5 whitest things in history

Anyone wanna go to a Coldplay concert w me?

*Adds broccoli to recipe for the health benefits* *Picks broccoli out while eating it*

I’m white, but not, have an above ground swimming pool, white.

I want this man to do gross disrespectful, unspeakable, borderline ilegal things to me. I want us to be done and him not be able to look at me after, not able to talk to me after. I would let this man do things that I can’t say out loud bc I would sound like a sadist, a masochist

🤨

Go ahead and burn all the sage you want. I’ll be back.

Computers used to scream out in pain when we connected to the internet. This was a warning and we did not heed it.

That doesn't seem detrimental to my mental or physical well-being...pass.

I’d go anywhere with you. And leave you there.

Please do not test me I’ve been saving up my rage like PTO

The first 51 weeks after vacation are always the toughest

It is my birthday. Adulation is mandatory.

20 years. Half of my life with you. I feel so lost right now. It wasn't supposed to go this way. You fought so hard. I love you so much. Rest now sweets. The boys and I will be okay. Alyson 4/21/1985-4/5/2025