Big, Bad Caffeinated Dad 🇳🇿 ☕
@Caff_Dad
🇳🇿 Considered a funny parent by @HuffPost @boredpanda and @TODAYshow Considered kinda funny but mostly painful by my kids.
I might not be good at bowling, but I can make sure I can throw the game so my 7yo will narrowly beats me and he has a great day That's my story and I'm sticking to it
10yo: mommy look! her, driving: can't see what you're pointing at back there. him: oh, thought you said you had eyes in the back your head. her:
I was in a pool and my kids had to ruin it by standing on the side and whining. Then my wife started complaining about me, claiming “I asked you to watch them” and “Not sit in their kiddie pool in our backyard and drink scotch”.
They say pizza is just as good the next day, I say it's not worth the risk
This that heat Ace Ventura felt inside that rhinoceros.
My favorite app to scroll is Venmo because why is Bill making his wife pay him back for her Starbucks coffee?
A guide to microwaving oatmeal: 1:59 - stage vomit 2:00 - thick, creamy perfection 2:01 - cement
Just another unrealistic body expectation for women.
No Facebook, I don’t care to send a gift to the CEO or the Chief People Officer.
Went on a work trip and FaceTimed my wife after work to her complaining that I’m “On vacation” as she watches the kids. God forbid I eat dinner, then take in the views wearing a hat with mouse ears on a Ferris Wheel at Disneyland.
When your review goes viral for entirely the wrong reason...
#FantasticFour Is a masterpiece. the visual effects and the score are a HUGE stand out. Galactus Is huge In IMAX. It’s emotional and gives you hope. It beats you off and doesn’t stop. STAY Until the END CREDITS.
Hi, ER Doc here. I don’t know who needs to hear this but do NOT even think about it.
Japanese design firm Kenji Abe has designed a glass beer bottle that you can stick into the sand on the beach
Welcome to marriage. Here's the new way you fold towels.
general: you can either climb these wooden rungs up the castle wall or be catapulted over it me: I choose the ladder general: prepare the catapult! me: wait no
Some people walk into your life and disappear, but some walk into your life and leave permanent footprints.
Are you dramatic like a normal person or are you dramatic like a toddler having their face wiped.
Dudes be like: I went to the Coldplay concert and all I got was half my house.
You guys won't believe me but I once stopped the microwave on zero, before it could beep
My teen believed the washing machine when it said it only had one minute left and oh how I laughed and laughed.