Bad Mikey

Before you start pushing and shoving “older” folks in a crowd, remember Gen X perfected the mosh pit, and you’re gonna be in for more than you bargained for

Not trying to hate on talkative people but please shut the fuck up.

GPS voiced by Rodney Dangerfield.

It all comes back to the tits

It's been a strange day so far, hope it stays that way.

I’m not indecisive. I’m just open to regretting every option equally.

The headband, the poses, the ripped shirts. He made “brother” a battle cry and turned wrestling into pop culture. RIP, Hulk Hogan

Birds in the backyard lizards in the front here I am stuck in the middle annoyed 😂🤣

Maybe read the article first, fuck-face.

Somewhere, Alan Alda is holding his breath

If we have a safe word, can it be “safe word”? I have a bad memory.

Hulk Hogan: *rips off t-shirt* Podiatrist: Just your shoes and socks, actually.

Not to get political, but I’ve been using a Stanley cup for the last few days and my Thermoflask from Costco is way better than this silly thing.

The hardest job on the planet now is to be a writer for the Onion. Bc no level of made up absurdity can top reality at the moment

Its not blurry because of a filter. Its blurry because cheeseburger grease on my lens.

The real trick is to outlive Keith Richards.

I will stop overthinking when my tattoos wash off.

The trouble with "living in the moment" is that you have to live in the bad moments too.

A Shock Collar can uncover a whole new you.

We ended up spending the entire date talking about ourselves in third person.