Kay

Bats flying slow circles around the moon like, “He was chaos. He was rock. He was ours.” Rest easy, Ozzy.

That drum solo from In the Air Tonight, but it’s me just slapping my tummy waiting for the microwave to beep.

Long days, longer nights.

You don’t see people giving bunny ears in photos anymore.

The word "sips" is an anagram of the word "piss". Ponder that.

I’m madly in bleh with you.

Do I have a type, or do I just keep dating people who look like they’d ruin my credit score?

Ever think to yourself “how is this my life” then eat five pounds of gummy bears?

“This is so much worse than I thought it would be” ~me, wherever I go

It’s not easy being twitter’s sweetheart, but someone has to fucking do it

I should just start introducing myself as the one with the smudged mascara.

I'm not drunk... i'm tipsy adjacent

My advice is to choose a charming hobby that no one can hold against you.

Sometimes you have got to put yourself top of your priority list.

Geography means nothing when you find your people.

A gentle, lunchtime thunderstorm fuels her soul.

He's such a gentleman. He apologizes before he insults you.

I draw the line at becoming a grandparent

The best way to eat food is quickly, so you don't have to share

Babe, you wanna listen to music together while I rub your butt?

It's me and my ever-growing following of sex bots against the world