fightgeek
@fightgeek
i wander around outside and hangout with dogs mostly 🇺🇸
you pass by on your run. i'm in the front yard lighting a cigarette with the Baghdad battery
After 8 years of tapping my phone all the FBI got was 579 recordings of me ordering a pepperoni pizza.
I was a kid with opinions, but I kept my mouth shut while I was still smackable. This is good advice if anyone knows any children.
I want to be an old timey doctor who only prescribes either "the mountains" or "the sea"
Here's my offer: I lean on a fence and watch your cows. You pay me what you think it's worth.
If you don't know, you know. That's quantum physics for you.
Oceanographers are the worst scientists. They could totally just go, "Uh, we discovered a new species of whale that's nocturnal." What are you gonna do? Go check?
My food blog: “This recipe will feed 8 people… Zero if none of them like it”
I said free legal advice, I didn't say I was qualified
Some of us are incapable of focusing on one activity so I totally get those mountain climbers with an ironing board and a load of laundry strapped to their backs.
If anyone asks, you invited me over and we are doing our homework in front of the TV right now
If I have one criticism of Greek mythology it's that a three headed dog is impractical. He wouldn't fit through the doggy door.
Only later did you realize your favorite professor's house looked like it was fished out of a canal.
Packing and eating lunch at work is so gay, like look, here's one container I have to heat up, and one that I don't, like grow the fuck up and just go outside and have two cigarettes
Things went well until the evil supermarket people hid my favorite products in new places
There should be a story about a phone that slowly consumes a piece of your soul as you stare into the screen until you're transformed into a mindless zombie. It should be a children's book. Maybe a toy line? (fingers crossed!)
Mfs look up at the sky and just start spouting the most ridiculous conspiracy theories man
My phone should charge from the energy radiating from my body.