The Indelible Hulk

I love everybody equally, which means fuck you especially.

Puts your mom on my to-do list.

The best tweets ever on this app, for wildly different reasons: 1. Perfection. I don’t think this can ever be topped. Two sentence, concise. Not a single unnecessary word.

All my favourite rock stars look like high school science teachers now.

stepped outside, zero stars, would not recommend

*winks at girl Hey baby, wanna make urethra ourethra? {taser sounds}

If we all pretend it’s Friday, no one can stop us.

When that first drop hits your lips. Pure bliss

George Floyd appears in new commercial promoting “Comply,” a revolutionary behavioral medicine “Do not resist while taking comply, ask your officer if Comply is right for you.”

Weekend at Bernie’s IV: Ozzy Was Dead on His Throne at Back to the Beginning

Until you add the E, it’s only improv.

They should just replace all late night talk shows with Foghorn Leghorn cartoons.

Listen, if UFC wasn’t supposed to be homoerotic, it wouldn’t be sponsored by Monster Energy.

The last memory of my father will always be at the zoo, when he took his pants off and yelled, "watch me fuck this bear."

Sometimes Miley Cyrus doesn’t do the trick and my penis taps out, so I put on Coldplay and let my inner wrecking ball cry it out.

Coldplay is just the male version of Taylor Swift.

I knew you were coming so I baked a cake, but ate it before you got here, because I don’t like you.

Mama say Mama saw My mongoose ya’ll

Her: is there anybody you DO like? Me: we need to talk

Man Who Vowed To Release Epstein Files Berates Idiots For Believing There Are Epstein Files buff.ly/yaOutpD

I drive like I’m immortal.