Green-Eyed Ninja

"We are going to build the Death Star and we're going to make Alderaan pay for it." Darth Trump (probably)

The key to happiness is finding vices you can afford.

An open apology to those of you whom I made watch Hulk Hogan's sex vid with me. Some of you more than once.

I feel like my main purpose in life is finding somewhere to sit.

I don’t remember any of this shit being on an episode of The Facts of Life.

Not to brag but the folks at the gangbang loved my train whistle.

We didn't have all these problems back when Pluto was a planet.

The real trick is to outlive Keith Richards.

I went travelling to find myself. I was hugely disappointed with what I found.

Now streaming on #AppleTV #AmazonPrimeVideo Hilariously clever - go watch!!!! Don’t Tell Larry – Official Trailer | 2025 Dark Office Comedy About a Li... youtu.be/6xREP3uLf0Q?si… via @YouTube #filmmaker #movies #Support

No Court can decide your worth. We'll never give up fighting to protect trans rights.

You only hear about the outskirts of cities. No rapper's ever like, "I represent the inskirts of Chicago."

<—- Lone Duplo in a world of Legos.

I'm trying to think of something good that rhymes with Trump, because he's a big fan of mine. All I can think of so far are unflattering words like Dump, Hump, Clump, Bump, and Stump (as in "Dumb as a").

I’ve seen your comments… so that’s what heroin looks like.

I beg to differ ma’am, we’d keep it just as cold in here, even if you were wearing a bra. And just like that, I’m spending my Friday evening in HR.

Tomorrow, we’re celebrating a REAL President of the United States. RETWEET if you are celebrating Barack Obama Appreciation Day!

Regulators mount up. Long Beach (Bixby Park) 9-11am and Torrance at City Hall 11am. Peaceful show of solidarity, please!

I’ll be here 12 years next month, which makes this the longest I’ve ever been a member of a cult… proving once and for all, I can commit.

DEAR FANCY AS SHIT EMMY VOTERS. Did y'all know @LaverneCox crushed it as usual on Prime Video's "Clean Slate" and she co-created and Executive Produced it too and y'all can consider the shit out of her right now?