J Sometimes

My neighbor yelled so loud at her husband that even I stopped drinking and washed all the dishes.

Yes absolutely, I want every single detail about your dream. I want it all.

I assume that customer cannot drive

Exactly 77 days after trading Luka Doncic, the Mavericks season is finally over.

Calm down

Early contender for photo of the year

new Luka commercial for the Lakers-Mavs game tonight 🔥 “All my exes live in Texas” 💀

Oh good- my nativity scene from Temu arrived.

Where the fuck was “Just Stop Oil” when we REALLY needed them?! During all those Diddy parties!!!

I feel like my main purpose in life is finding somewhere to sit.

Found a YouTube channel that's just French women smoking cigarettes so this is my last tweet.

Eating ice cream in the sauna was a terrible idea.

Over thinking takes up around 85% of my day. The rest is eating snacks

All my meals are the last unhealthy meal before starting with a healthy one

I own far too many running shoes to be this lazy.

“Don’t be an idiot, Harry. Just ask him for directions.”

a haunted house but each room is another meeting that could have been an email

“I think you’ve had enough, sir.”

Mom, wait, I've got little legs.