Marissa 💚💛

“I asked ChatGPT” “I asked Grok” I asked The Backstreet Boys to tell me why

With all due respect to TLC, I chased waterfalls today

Girls, get yourself a man who is repulsed by seeing you pay for your own things

I had edible gummies in my car and they all melted into a blob cause of the heat today. I ate a piece 30 mins ago and I gotta say I might have tampered with powers beyond my understanding

they don’t even bother coming out of my tank top. they know nothing’s happening

The main reason I got divorced was cause I got married.

The key to a successful family vacation is figuring out the hierarchy of who is the adultiest adult (it’s my mom).

And to my children I leave 127 open tabs on safari

Spending the night at my parents is 30% lasagna and 70% taking throw pillows off the guest bed

I’m in a group text with 20 other cheer moms so I don’t have time for any of your problems.

you can venmo me instead fyi. it will also do nothing to improve your life but as long as we’re just throwing money away i figured i would mention it

Looking for a skincare routine that will mask the fact that I haven’t had a clean house or slept in 8 years.

"why didn't you ask for help?" because you saw i needed it and didn't offer

mfs be 5’4 talking about “my life a movie” yeah a bugs life

When I said I was in my feral era, I meant Will Ferrell.

I showed my daughter my updated life insurance policy and this was her reply. 😂

Starbucks: what will it be? Me: *whispering* vanilla bean frappuccino *white girls begin emerging from the sewers* one of us, one of us, one of us

I’ve reached the stage of parenting a teen where he has popcorn for breakfast and I don’t even say a word

A successful woman