Her Tall Boots

dance like nobody's horrified

I was a kid with opinions, but I kept my mouth shut while I was still smackable. This is good advice if anyone knows any children.

I'll be at the Improv Comedy Club tonight. Whipping batteries at people

one thing about girls is our hair always smells good. like fruit roll-ups or the rainbow

Hair so big after going out in the pouring rain, Dokken called. They want their hair back. Like ALL of them.

Bathing elephants have swimming trunks.

If you don't know, you know. That's quantum physics for you.

What kind of society have we become that we don't produce rock stars anymore?

Don't be stingy with the Alfredo.

The Hierophant but as a person

Death is not powerful enough to extinguish a light but it can set it free.

Someone just honked to get me out of my parking spot faster… So now, I have to sit here until both of us are dead

Tired: Watching people over-emote with their hands. Wired: Watching people over-emote with their feet.

It’s well past time for the switchblade comb to make a goddamn comeback. Always a baller move.

If I owned a sales driven business, I’m hiring the person who convinced their boss that interviewing Hunter Biden was a good idea

good thing oceanography is imaginary.

Man, what fucking loss, I still can't believe it. He survived what would've killed anybody else years ago, we just all assumed he was invincible. The voice of a generation in a million different ways, right? RIP Ozzy- your fans love you and your FAMILY love you❤️❤️❤️

Rest in Peace Ozzy

We can put a man on the moon, but we can't get one out of our basement.

Time for everyone's favorite hotel room game: How Do I Turn This Light Off

I looked all over but I can’t find my bank card or sanity anywhere