Ash

I like trees more than people. Sure, they’ll throw shade at you but in a cool way.

After 8 years of tapping my phone all the FBI got was 579 recordings of me ordering a pepperoni pizza.

That looks like a problem for someone else.

Life gives you chances, take them.

Getting to know someones heart is a blessing

I've reached that age where I can't function without my glasses....especially if they are empty

cancer, you want someone who sees you. not someone who needs you.

if that’s okay with you, i’d like to make you feel wanted in all the small, quiet ways

most homes have one garden gnome that’s a lil sus

therapy, bc a legal defense team can be pricey

Why has no one made baked Parmesan garlic bread a cologne scent?

You are not obligated to grant others access to you.

Dear music, thank you for always being there for me! 🎶

come sit next to me, we can share my reese’s

i’m scared. take your clothes off

I never learned how to sing a piercing note that can break a wine glass like I meant to in grade school. Yet. Back on the list.

Schrödinger's sarcasm, I mean it as much as you do.

I use a filter* on all of my tweets. *a swearing filter

I'm old, but I still feel 30 if I'm in bed and not moving.

Crunchy peanut butter exists because someone got lazy.

All victories and losses are temporary, but confusion, for me, sticks around for the long haul.