𝐀 𝐌 𝐀 𝐍 𝐃 𝐀

At least when I talk to myself here, people don’t look at me funny.

7-Day trip means double of everything I need. Why am I like this? 

Just leave the kitchen scissors IN THE KITCHEN and nobody gets hurt.

The great thing about twitter is that you’re never the craziest or weirdest one here.

If you don't want to do it. Don't.

How long before Grok ends up pregnant by Elon?

I don’t fear death. I fear running out of Advil.

I'm sorry to break it to you, but you need a soul to have a soulmate.

my son’s lemonade stand has been killing it ever since i’ve added a splash of vodka

Don't you "have a nice day" me.

Me: I'll figure you out one day. Her: It's good to be ambitious.

When life gives you lemons, take the lemons. They were a gift. Maybe life thought you liked lemons, did you think about that? No, you're always thinking about yourself.

The Girl with the Little Debbie Tattoo

We're all a little crazy.

🎶Shot to the head, and you're to blame. You are not good, at this darts game.🎶

If you commit any crime at sea, you are considered a pirate.

Biggest lie ever... "I have read and agree to the terms of use."

‘Easy like Sunday morning’ is something people with no kids say

I am “I’ll give you something to cry about” years old.

twitter is Iike the smoking area for social media

Fear will trick you into living a boring life.