Kip Conlon

And this “psychiatrist who's asking you questions,” is he in the room with us right now?

I avoid confrontation. More of a car key-er.

Fortunately, I never felt peer pressured by the “cool” kids to do drugs or hang out or wave to them in the halls.

Retrace your steps. Try to remember the last place you saw that loving feeling.

When people are telling me a story about their life it often reminds me of a much better story from my life.

feels like the Smurfs could've been more diverse

My husband accidentally got me a burger with a gluten free bun and vegan cheese. We had a good run.

Could never have finished the Mary Tyler Moore marathon without the support of my sponsor, Mountain Dew. Also a huge shout out to the folks at Mama Celeste.

The greatest Superman? The one who lives in my imagination, silly. He doesn’t like you.

After five minutes of fussing with the stupid lock, I decided it was wrong to read Trina’s diary.

If “Jaws” was made into a musical, “You’re Gonna Need A Bigger Boat” would be the showstopper.

first person to ski from the very top of a mountain had to have been like IDG a single F

These are my twins, Hardcastle and McCormick.

A friend of mine decided to cut all the toxic people out of his life. Or so I was informed.

Me: Antivenom? As opposed to what, pro-venom? Or maybe that's just venom. Friend: Please…while there is still...time….

I thought I'd come to these woods to find Bigfoot, but what I really found was myself (and Bigfoot).

I've never been confused by any movie. I understand all movies

"Not too bad" is my favourite response. Just bad enough.

Call me old-fashioned, but I still piece ransom notes together by hand.

Blind date thinks it’s my birthday cause that’s what I told the server in hopes of free stuff.

Beer Pong isn't about who wins or who loses. Your mother and I taught you better than that.