Adam

nobody sighs louder than an unemployed, debt-free dog who spends at least 16 hours a day sleeping

I am not skipping the gym, I'm still doing my *pre-workout *Eating Reese's Peanut Butter Hearts

One moment you’re giving your friend a Nazi salute and just 136 days later you’re calling him a pedophile online, how the time flies

me, an american, every day in america since 2016

if your parents told you it was illegal to have a light on in the car at night, you may be eligible for financial compensation

“in the club, we all fam” i whisper to myself as i buy things i don’t need from costco

maybe the real crime here is banning the world’s coolest dog

americans will use literally any measurement EXCEPT metric

Ladies, looking for a last minute valentine's gift for your man? Three words: battery organizer case

Stop honking, I’m trying to finish my Wordle

kind of lame i’m paying the same taxes as last year but this year i’m getting a shittier version of the government

There’s a man at the playground with such an impressive dad voice that when he yelled “PUT IT DOWN” I automatically dropped my book

I’m that psychopath who listens to absolutely no music while driving.

Me: can’t they just make a shoe for women that is functional, comfortable 𝘢𝘯𝘥 attractive? Shoe industry: no, but have you tried our new line of high heeled slippers?

If you see me ordering appetizers, just know my income tax has hit.

Not to brag but... I once got a 3 point basket playing volleyball.

It's like I always say...a quesadilla lasts only a minute, but chips and salsa go on forever.