SlapMeMam

You can’t make everyone happy, you’re not a lasagna.

Make her legs shake, not her heart ache 🖤

Just two homos and a stick of destiny.

Trump’s golf resort named after his mom. Freud just popped champagne.

I check out other people's tattoos like dogs sniff other dog's butts.

I was referring to the snakes. LMFAO at this response.

I only go for such long walks to increase my chances of being hit by a stray bullet

imagine snatching my purse to rob me and i only have a dildo, eyeliner, lipgloss, and snacks

Why in the fuck are cereal bags not ziplock yet?

Teacher tried to schedule her colonoscopy around parent-teacher night. That’s dedication. Or fear.

You make me want to take up smoking.

you're so vein, you probably think thrombosis about you.

a promise to leave them bruised and satisfied; that's the impact play pact im making

I clapped once and everyone cheered. So I peaked early.

My sister lives with a man and several snakes. I live with the knowledge that I’ll never visit. They asked why. I said I don’t do hissing home décor.

👉👈 I’m sorry I bit you, I was excited to see you.😔

Ohhh to be a mattress for a gorgeous woman’s emotional breakdown… and her thighs.

goodnight all. ps: ladies, don't forget to put your vibrators back on the charger. 🔋

call me 007: • 0 engagement • 0 profit • 7 loyal mutuals