Quintin
@Mydaily_Q
Not a big bomb guy.
RT @Mydaily_Q: Me: *bending over to kiss yet another frog* You must know that I find you absolutely ribbeting. FBI: *on the phone* I don…
my gf can speak french and my new bit is i keep saying 'Je m'appelle' in different tones and to mean anything. she'll be like 'do you want a coffee' and i say 'Je m'appelle :)' so far she hasnt really called it out, probably hoping i stop. Je m'appelle unfortunately for her
For sale: baby shoes, heavily worn. My husband was a tiny footed freak who died scampering around
I have to lock Wonton and Milo out of my bedroom at night, behold the offering of toys they brought to my door through the night in an attempt to pay admission
Does anyone have some tips for being less approachable for beginners my least favorite coworker asked me to massage Bengay on their back
have a friend in nyc - 6'10", ivy league rower and quarterback at michigan state, makes $45M a year as a tech finance doctor, he's a calvin klein model in paris, and he cannot find a gf. women spit on him on the street. they drive up onto the curve to run him over. they hate him
me seeing friend buying two hot dogs: two huh? ol double dog. the two dog kid. friend who remembers when I tried to eat healthy in 2017: ok lentils
If I lived in the 9th century I would lie so much. What are you gonna do, consult the parchment? Examine the texts? Take leave of my hut, forthwith.
*sees a man being sad on a warm, sunny day* “Why the long balls? ☹️”
Do you have ‘summer long balls’? Awkward phenomenon could be uncomfortable — and may even impact your fertility trib.al/wCqTvhV
It rained last night and this morning I found my penis outside laying on the sidewalk with the worms
i ran over an armadillo with my jeep liberty in 2009 and i still carry the guilt like a stone in my pocket
What’s your first thought when you see this breakfast pizza? 🍳 🍕
just invented a new meal between lunch and dinner it's called The Afternoon Nibble. basically you can't have had lunch and you don't know when you'll eat dinner. it must be eaten hastily as well. and it is a small, single item. and you derive absolutely no pleasure from it at all
"i asked chatgpt" "i asked grok" i asked jeff the killer and he said im gonna jeff the kill you
Chris Long lays out the implications and potential outcomes of the NFLPA & NFL Collusion Story
Was in the car with my dad and he pointed out a cool truck on the road. Without thinking I said “that’d be such a sexy transformer” and he immediately turned in his seat like this