He Called Me Greenhorn
@WhatsAGreenhorn
He called me Greenhorn. I called him Tony Randall. It was a thing we had.
Her skin was like porcelain. Toiletface, they called her.
issuing correction on a previous post of mine, if I lived in the 9th century I'd be so painfully honest. No drawing and quartering for this serf!
I'm basically a cheery chubby Sylvia Plath
My best friend told me she cut up a cantaloupe to quell the pangs of loneliness and I'm just thinking about how if she tweeted that she'd have a cavalry of armchair psychologist incels with 40 followers and a TL full of the r word telling her why it wouldn't work.
My best friend told me she cut up a cantaloupe to quell the pangs of loneliness and I'm just thinking about how if she tweeted that she'd have a cavalry of armchair psychologist incels with 40 followers and a TL full of the r word telling her why it wouldn't work.
This phenomenon is pretty well established, but if nobody has any objections to the name...
This more than anything might be the death of social media. Nobody can post anything now without an army of 'ackshually' people descending on it. We need a name, perhaps "Greenhorn's law", for the phenomenon that any tweet, no matter how harmless, will invariably be discovered by…
If you've ever thought, "gosh I'd like to buy breakfast for twitter user whatsagreenhorn while he's 40, today is the last day to live that dream.
I don't claim to be the President of Food or whatever but it seems like if they can sell iced coffee they can sell iced chicken noodle soup
Defenders of Israels war crimes often remind us that October 7 was the equivalent of twelve 9/11s, and that therefore, Israel had no other choice. You never hear them do the math for Palestinians, who have now endured the equivalent of at least 2,500 9/11s.
My birthday is in 9 days which makes this a perfect time for you to buy me a new spicy sausage egg mcmuffin 😎
Several days ago an apple fell from the tree while my brother Dan was under it and now at least twice a day he waits for 5-15 minutes under the tree for the possibility of an apple
Bitch just stop killing children you don't need a third party for this
🔊 Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu heads to Washington saying he's confident Trump can help seal a Gaza ceasefire deal. Listen to @emilyarielrose on the Reuters World News podcast reut.rs/44hfY09
This is the stupidest looking rocket I've ever seen
US Air Force suspends SpaceX rocket project on Pacific atoll, report says reut.rs/44N3opu
It’s comforting that my end of life care in America will likely come down to a grim decision along with a good faith attempt to not leave a mess for the landlord
Barbecue sauce, for lack of a better word, is good. Barbecue sauce is right. Barbecue sauce works.
Time for someone to invest in my new faith-based phone company, PrayT&T
Haven't seen a thread like this since we learned about @DrakeGatsby's landlord Stan
my first interview candidate today ate what I believe to be an entire large 8-slice pizza during our interview
Conservative Twitter has decided Amy Coney Barrett is Good Again ™️ now that she called a black woman dumb. Seems like only yesterday they were calling her a woke Trojan horse.