Paul's Jokes
@MoreTwitty
You'll flip for my clean, funny #jokes old & new! Paul AKA morewitty & Yam Man. If you think it's funny, please share the laughs with your followers -- RETWEET!
If everything were written in Hebrew, there'd be nothing left to right! #cleanjoke
Helpful tip!
My wife texted me βYour great!β and I said βNo, youβre great!!β She was in a wonderful mood all day! Guys, women love it when you correct their grammar.
This is the new Downward Dog position, if you want to try it ...
Morning yoga.. π
It's pronounced βBouquetβ
But, if you're trying to be woke ...
Imagine if alarm clocks hit you back in the morning. It would be truly alarming.
Well, I can certainly confirm that MY money doesn't exist! π
If you're married, "my money" and "your money" doesn't exist. It's our money. And that's the only way to win.
Put a motion sensor on my living room light and liked it so much, I put one on my ceiling fan. (Of course, now it NEVER stops!)
If I'm a big Virginia Tech Hokie fan but now live in Charlottesville, does that mean I need UVA protection?
In case you missed this ...
OLD JOKE Did you hear about the fool that ate dynamite? He wanted his hair to grow out in bangs.
In case you missed this ...
Great "ad lib" for a bad hair day: My hair dryer has 3 settings: hot, very hot, and not-so-hot. (When I choose not-so-hot, this what I get!)
This joke is a little drawn out.
Most people have heard about Bob Ross, the famous painter. But have you heard about his brother, Albert, known for his 8 foot wing span?
Of course, if your boss is watching, waking up may not be the worst part!
The worst part about waking up from an afternoon nap is realizing youβre still at work.
At least he's dressed with more than a fig leaf!
What Adam says to everyone when they first meet him in Heaven.
Thanks (this feels heartfelt)!
Happy birthday to everyone for the rest of your lives. I can't do this anymore.
Walmart's got a lot of stuff that's MAIDENCHINA.
A sensitive girl is a FEELMAIDEN. A tall girl is an ENTMAIDEN. A short girl is a DWARFMAIDEN. A girl who talks a lot is a SPELLMAIDEN. A pale girl is an ELFMAIDEN or ELVEN. An artsy girl is a CRAFTMAIDEN. A girl who makes bread is a LOAFMAIDEN. Etc.
And, of course, if the employee's new: "Do you want flies with that?"
*ππΆπ΄π΅ π΄π΅π’πΊ π€π°π°π. π π°πΆβπ·π¦ π°π³π₯π¦π³π¦π₯ π§π°π°π₯ π£π¦π§π°π³π¦* Drive-thru speaker: βCan I help you?β Me: βHi one pleaseburger cheese.β
Actually, a Please Burger sounds pretty delightful!
*ππΆπ΄π΅ π΄π΅π’πΊ π€π°π°π. π π°πΆβπ·π¦ π°π³π₯π¦π³π¦π₯ π§π°π°π₯ π£π¦π§π°π³π¦* Drive-thru speaker: βCan I help you?β Me: βHi one pleaseburger cheese.β
What's better than two from Foo? Three from Lee!
What do you call two monkeys that share an Amazon account? Prime mates. My girlfriend keeps accusing me of cheating. She's starting to sound like my wife! Two guys walked into a bar. The third guy ducked.
In case you missed this ...
From the very funny @howriteIam: Is a traffic report braking news?